So your spouse doesn’t want to homestead, now what? I have a confession today…my husband has zero interest in or desire to homestead. Now don’t get me wrong, he’ll help me with anything I ask him to do, even the stuff he really REALLY doesn’t want to do; but he has no passion for it. I know many of us are in that same boat and it isn’t easy to talk about. So what do you do when your spouse doesn’t want to homestead?
For us, for now, I keep doing my small-scale backyard homesteading. I will keep working on my “vintage skills” and
find mentors on anything and everything I can’t do in my current space. I will wait, and yes, I will pray for a change of heart. My husband has already agreed to moving to acreage but it is hard to start that process when both of you aren’t on board for the work involved in a hobby farm. Right? When your spouse doesn’t want to homestead and that is the desire of your heart, it is hard. But let me tell you, change can happen!
You have to remember that it isn’t your job to change your spouse’s or partner’s mind; all you can do is continue to stay passionate. You can keep learning and growing as a homesteader and you may have to accept that this is your thing to work alone. BUT many spouses change their mind along the way too – so never lose hope!
I asked some of my homesteading friends if they had faced this issue of a spouse that doesn’t want to homestead OR they were the spouse that didn’t want to homestead; and how they handled it; for the purpose of giving you some encouragement.
Mary from Boots & Hooves Homestead said: I did not want to become a homesteader, initially. Originally from Los Angeles, I met and married my real life cowboy. But once we moved to his hometown and I became pregnant with my first child, something stirred inside of me. I desired a healthier life for my future children. The more I researched, the more I was appalled, but I quickly realized that homesteading and healthy living go hand in hand. Now, we raise a variety of animals, grow a lot of our own food, and are learning new skills each day. I have seed starts in my laundry room and duck eggs incubating on my desk. Who would have thought this would be my life? And I’m so thankful that I took the leap! This life is incredibly rewarding.
Becca from Country Acres Homestead said: Homesteader Hubby insisted he wanted nothing to do with the animals once we got to the homestead. That changed pretty quick when he realized he could give them crickets. Every morning he greets them by saying, “Good morning Ladies!” and they all come to greet him with their sweet chirps. Baby chicks is all it took and now he’s excited for goats, pigs and a few cows!
Mindy Wood from Purposefully Simple said: My desire to homestead came over me slowly and naturally, so it was hard for me to understand how my husband Matt wasn’t also where I was on the homesteading spectrum. He complained when I spent money on things like seeds, soil, etc. when our budget was already tight. Once he saw the bounty at the end of the summer though, and the super low grocery bill because of it, he started to understand that this homesteading thing wasn’t a hobby but a way of life (and a pretty good one at that). I think the best thing I did was to just give him the space he needed to discover it on his own. I also needed to be prepared that homesteading might not be his thing and that would have to be ok. It’s definitely more my thing than his but we share the underlying values of simplicity, frugality, and self sufficiency so it works!
Sandrine Ferwerda from Simple Living in Spain said: We both had big dreams of moving off the grid – what we didn’t realize, is that our dreams were actually quite different. I wanted to grow, cook, bake and preserve my own food, while keeping chickens and a plethora of other animals; my husband had other priorities (a swimming pool, a wine cellar, and making a lot of money with our tiny bed & breakfast). He grumbled about my wild plans, and I thought his ideas were ridiculous. Very soon, we realized that efficient communication becomes essential when you start a homestead from scratch. We now hold weekly “meetings” (just the two of us!) to talk about our ideas and projects; this helps us both to not feel overwhelmed by the other one’s plans, to listen to their fears and aspirations, and to meet somewhere in the middle. We also apply the veto-rule; if one of us is not totally on board, the project is a no-go. We now have a good flock of chickens, two vegetable gardens, a hole where the swimming pond is going to be – and we’re expecting our first alpacas to arrive next week. We’re both very excited about every single one of our projects!So there you go, things can change. If your spouse doesn’t want to homestead you just work at building your dream and support the dream your partner has. Many times your dreams will support each other and sometimes they just change. I believe healthy relationships allow people to grow in their passions, even if both don’t share the passion. But don’t lose hope my friends.
